To kill Gohan... THE FREAKISHLY UNSUBTLE VILLAINS!
by gerrys giant green grassmonkey
Summary: King Cold, Freeza, Cell and the ginyu force come back to life to try and kill gohan. What's he gonna do? Go to the bathroom? No! The male cheerleader conference, of course!*FINISHED!*
1. Introduction to destruction- of school p...

"Alrighty then! We'll break loose and go kill the brat!" Evil shadowy person #1 declared!

 "Yeah!" the others agreed. Several dark figures were grouped together in a huddle. The org that was standing by started to sweat as three men looked over their shoulders at once. They were so unsubtle it was scary.

"Mr. Son, do you have some sort of problem?" Professor Callahan demanded.

"Uhh… nope."

"THEN I SUGEST YOU STOP LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AND START WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Gohan gulped. Today was one of his many off days. _I don't know how the stupid teachers expect us to concentrate anyways! It's waaaaaaayy too nice out. Even mom let me slack off on days like this! _"Yeah. I'll be sure to do that," he mumbled sarcastically. 

Mr. Callahan ignored his rudeness and continued his lecture. Eraza giggled, "Wow Gohan! I've never seen _you _act like this before! What's wrong?" _Actually, I think it's kind of sexy…_

"I… uh… didn't get much sleep." Actually, he didn't get any sleep. Vegeta pulled him out of bed before he eve had a chance to close his eyes…

~_Flashback~_

_"Wake up brat! It's time to spar!"_

_"Ugh… What the hell? It's midnight Vegeta!"_

_"I don't care. Get up or I'll blow up the goddamn planet!"_

_"I really don't see why you're so anxious to die… but okay."_

_~End Flashback~_

Suddenly, Videl was pulled out of her own nap to the sound of her watch going off. "This is Videl! Go ahead Captain!" 

_"Videl! I've got some bad news! Cell's back and he's got a whole bunch of… ARGH!!!" _The line went dead.

All of the sudden, there were a bunch of screams in the hallways. Before anyone had a chance to look, two creatures, one red with white hair and one massive man with a small tuft of orange hair on top of his tiny head, appeared right beside Gohan. "Hello there mate! Long time no see, eh?" The red one said with an Australian accent.

"Yeah… What he said!' The giant said stupidly. 

Every student in the classroom screamed. Well, almost everyone. Gohan remained calm. "Hey there boys. Nice to see you again, Jeice, Racoom," he said, Vegeta style. 

"Gohan! Get out of there!" Videl screamed (she doesn't know about the Saiyaman/Gold Fighter deal).

"Yeah! I think you'd better listen to your girlfriend! Were gonna bring you back to Hel… err… HFIL with us!" Racoom hollered. 

Gohan just smirked. He'd obviously been hanging around with Vegeta waaaaaaaayyyy too much. "I don't think so." The whole class gasped. Here was Gohan, surrounded by a giant and a funny little many and he wasn't the slightest bit nervous. Even Videl was scared! 

"Come on! Let's get-" Jeice was interrupted by Gohan's fist slamming into his and Racoom's stomachs. They both went flying through the window and landed in a heap on the front lawn of Orange Star High School. 

"Hmm… they make great lawn ornaments," Gohan mumbled.

"Whoa…" was all Videl could say.

Well, what d'ya think? Should I keep going? I don't know. R&R!!!


	2. Egad! We're gonna need Saiyaman. Gohan's...

A/N: It's six in the morning. I've got an idea… From watching Shrek. Either I'm obsessed or I've got something called insomnia. Eugh. Here we go again…

The whole class just simply sat staring at Gohan, who was starting to look nervous. Sharpener and Eraza were on the verge of peeing their pants and Videl wasn't too far off.  Gohan raised his hand. "Mr. Callahan, could I please go to the bathroom?"

"Y…y…yes Gohan," the pale faced professor said quietly. Everyone fell over, anime-style. 

"Thank you!" Gohan stood up and rushed passed his friends and dashed into the hallway. They could hear him open the door to the next classroom, run across to the other side, open the window and they saw him jump out. He landed beside where he had "placed" the two ginyu force members, who were now gone. Gohan swore loudly and then took off into the air.

"He can fly!"

"HE CAN FLY?"

"Wow! He can fly!"

"That stupid kid! I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO THE BATHROOM!!! IT'S DETENTION FOR YOU!" the professor shrieked while shaking his fist in Gohan's direction. Meanwhile,  Videl was the first one to pull herself together. She stood up with her trademark frown/determined look on her face. 

"I guess I was right. He really is Singingman- I mean, Saiyaman… Hmmm… Well, wherever he's going, I'll find him! Uhhh… professor, can I go to the bathroom?"

"Yes Videl," the clueless teacher mumbled.

She smiled and jumped out of the hole in the wall that was right beside her and took out her jet copter. Videl climbed in and took off in the direction that Gohan had gone in. Callahan grunted like a wounded animal. "YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST _TRIED_ TO PRETEND TO BE GOING PEE! BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! YOU TEENAGERS ARE A DISGRACE! LAZY, BRATTY, STUPID DISGRACES!!!" Then he fell over into a dead faint. Eraza giggled stupidly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Gohan was having a hard time. Apparently, dead people from he--- grrr… _HFIL_ didn't have any ki. Then he spotted them- Freeza, Cell, King Cold and the whole Ginyu force- minus the captain. He was still Being Bulma's Brownish Bullfrog (heh heh heh. I love doing this!).  He swooped downwards and at the same time he pressed the button on his watch to transform into Saiyaman.  "Stop you fiends!!!" he bellowed. 

The group of freakishly unsubtle villains looked up as a man dressed in red, green and black came down from the sky. "Who are you?" the small green man named Gurudo demanded. Gohan smiled. He was hoping that they would ask that. 

He began doing his embarrassing routine. "I am the defender of justice! Protector of love and all things yummy! I AM…. THE GREAT SAIYAMAN!!!" **insert stupid pose**

Cell stared stupidly. Freeza fell over. King Cold started laughing. The Ginyu force, however, applauded. "I'll be damned if that wasn't the best routine I've ever seen!" Gurudo cried happily.

"You are damned but you're right! That was fantastic!" A very bruised Jeice cried. "Will you teach us?"

Gohan smiled triumphantly. "Of course!" He walked over to the Ginyu force and began going through the moves.

Will Gohan ever get serious? Find out next time on To Kill Gohan! THE FREAKISHLY UNSUBTLE VILLANS!!! R&R! Have a wonderful happy, helpful, hungry… never mind…


	3. Blame Canada!

A/N: Got the day off cuz it's a snow day! I can't even open my door. Life is good… J

"Hey! I think he's got it!" Gurudo exclaimed happily pointing towards Racoom. Gohan looked over towards the giant who was looking extremely stupid with Gohan's fancy cheerleader poses. **blink blink. Sweat drop.**

"WHAT?!?!?!? You retard! I look nothing like that!!!" Gohan shrieked.

"What d'ya mean? He looks exactly like you!" Jeice replied, confused. Gohan "eeped". _I look like THAT? Oh my god. I'm such a loser… Well, at least nobody knows who I am…_

"HEY GOHAN! NEED SOME HELP?" Gohan looked up to see Videl in her tacky, yellow helicopter. She jumped down to the ground and smiled. "See! I told you I'd find out who you are!" **blink blink. Sweat drop. **

"Someone please kill me. Now."

Cell smirked. "Gladly," he said in his constipated-grasshopper*** voice (***not to be confused with grassmonkey.). The constipated-grasshopper stepped forwards. 

"Cell? What are you doing here? My dad killed you seven years ago!" Videl said, confused. 

**Blink blink. Sweat drop.  **"Gohan, you're a dad? Well that's really special! Congrats to you and the lucky lady!" Freeza said happily. 

"No, Freeza you stupid prick! They're the SAME AGE!!!"  King Cold yelled. 

"Sigh. Kid these days! They're havin' kids younger and younger these days!"

EVERYONE:

Time's have changed  
Our kids are kids are getting worse  
They wont obey their parents  
They just want to fart and curse!  
Should we blame the government?  
Or blame society?  
Or should we blame the images on TV?  
No, blame Canada  
Blame Canada  
With all their beady little eyes  
And flapping heads so full of lies  
Blame Canada  
Blame Canada  
We need to form a full assault  
It's Canada's fault!  
Don't blame me  
For my son Stan  
He saw the darn cartoon  
And now he's off to join the Klan!  
And my boy Eric once  
Had my picture on his shelf  
But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself!  
Well, blame Canada  
Blame Canada  
It seems that everything's gone wrong  
Since Canada came along  
Blame Canada  
Blame Canada  
There not even a real country anyway  
My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer it's true  
Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbecue  
Should we blame the matches?  
Should we blame the fire?  
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?  
Heck no!  
Blame Canada  
Blame Canada  
With all their hockey hullabaloo  
 And that bitch Anne Murray too  
Blame Canada  
Shame on Canada  
The smut we must stop  
The trash we must smash  
Laughter and fun  
must all be undone  
We must blame them and cause a fuss  
Before someone thinks of blaming uuuuuuusssssssss!!!

(A/N: Canadians, please don't be offended. It's not supposed to offend. Actually, I'm Canadian too! So there!)

Gohan and Videl stared at each other. "Alrighty… WAIT A SEC! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'GOHAN'S KID'?!?!?! I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY DAD, MR.SATAN."

"Who?" Racoom asked.

"He's just this stupid human that attempted to kill me. Needless to say, he failed. Miserably." Cell answered in a bored voice. "Speaking of moi, Gohan, it's time for us to get our revenge. After all, it's your fault we're dead."

"Eugh? What do you mean? It was Trunks who killed the fridge family and Vegeta killed Racoom, Jeice, Gurudo and The funny blue man (I can't remember his name. Will someone please tell me?). The only person I killed was Mr. Grasshopper over there!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GOHAN? IT WAS MY DAD WHO BEAT CELL!" Videl screamed. 

"Yeah you stupid skinny kid! Now stand back! I've got some ass kicking to do!" Everyone whirled around to find a huge man who's hair came from the 70's… I wonder who it could be…

Heh. I'm done. But I had to re-load my story. All my wonderful reviews are gone. I'm no longer special. **starts crying**. Suddenly, she gets and evil look on her face! ALRIGHT! NO MORE STORY TILL I GET 20 REVIEWS!!!! **Inserta Vegeta smirk**. So there!


	4. He's a real ladies man!

A/N:  Top 'o' the morning to ya! Happy St. Patty's day! I'm sorry for the wait. Unfortunately, I'm very sick. When I'm sick, I get tired and when I'm tired, I get hyper. When I'm hyper, Wallpaper seems funny. Please attempt to bear with me

Also, I received an e-mail making fun of me for being Canadian.  QUESTION: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WRITE THIS IN FRENCH!!??!?!?!?  Je peux faire ça aussi! Ce n'est pas très difficile!!!  HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO MAKE FUN OF YOU???? ARG!!!! FOR YOUR INFORMATION, WE DON'T SAY A BOOT INSTEAD OF ABOUT AND I SAY ZEE- NOT ZED! I HAVE A COUCH, NOT A CHESTERFEILD AND I'M NOT A BEAVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRR.

Oh! Canada!!! Our home and native land…

**ahem**

many thanks go out to those who told be that the funny blue guy's name is Burta. 

I totally forgot, Uhh, I don't own anything. At all. Nothing. Actually, I do own my cat. But he's pretty much worthless, although he IS extremely cute and soft and fuzzy…

Everyone whirled around to face Mr. Satan along with several hundred reporters. "Now, everyone out of the way. I've got some ass kicking to do!" The cocky, yet hot (joking!!!) "hero" stepped walked towards Cell. "Listen, it's not very funny that you're dressing up as Cell to scare people," he shouted. 

Gohan shook his head. _This guy's gonna get himself killed. Hmmm… actually, that'd be pretty cool. _**evil grin**. "Oh wow! It's Mr. Satan! Jeepers Cell, you don't stand a chance!" he said VERY sarcastically. Cell looked over at Gohan. Gohan looked at Cell and winked. This was going to be funny… 

"That's right kid! That Cell imitator is gonna die!!!!!" 

"Burta," Cell mumbled in a bored voice, "It seems that even Gohan wants this foolish man dead. Dispose of him." Burta nodded enthusiastically and walked over to Hercule. 

"What do you want?" Satan demanded. Without a word, Burta picked him up and started spinning Hercule over his head but the leg. After several swings, Burta let go and sent Mr. Satan into orbit. 

"Daddy!!!!!!! No! Someone please save him!" Videl gushed. _Eepers. Now she's gonna be unhappy. _Gohan thought. _Women, they're just waaaaay too hard to please. _ 

"I'll save him, Miss Videl. Don't you fear!" **snicker. **Gohan leaped into the air and headed off in Mr. Satan's direction. 

"Wow, he's a real ladies man, just like his dad! Very, smart, saving her dad!" Jeice whispered excitedly. The rest of the freakishly unsubtle villains agreed. 

Yeah, it's short. Yeah, it's lame. Sorry. Writers block! Someone e-mail me an idea!!!!!!!!!! Grr…. my addy is top_call@hotmail.com 


	5. The pooooooooooooooooo poo poo song!!!!

A/N: I'mmmmmmmmmmmmmm bbbbbbaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah! I'm alive- and I'm not sick anymore! So now I'm back at my computer, writing my ass of!!! Super Inspired and Super Hyper!!! **sigh** life is good. It's –27 *Celsius outside- that's –20 for the yanks! On with the story!!!!!!

_Maybe this isn't such a good idea… I mean, just because Videl wants him back, it doesn't mean I have to do it… SOME WEAK WOMAN WILL NOT ORDER ME AROUND!!! I'M THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE! I WILL NOT----- hold on. I'm sounding like Vegeta. Is that a good thing? Nope. Defiantly not. If I start acting like him, I might end up as a short guy with funny hair… _Gohan was confused- more then usual. What to do? He still had a while to go before he got to Mr. Satan though, so he had plenty of time to make up his mind. _What to do? _

"_Gohan!" _a misty blurry sorta voice said softly. It was Goku. "_Listen buddy, I hate that guy too. Do your old man a favor and give him a scare- but don't kill him! That way, you can get him to do whatever you want aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddd still have Videl drool all over you!"_

"Are you sure dad?" Gohan asked. He loved his dad but sometimes, his eternal cluelessness had a tendency to screw him over.

"_Yup! Do it!_" Gohan could practically see his father's dopey grin. 

"Oki doki. See ya later dad." Gohan said happily. He flew towards Satan's ki. Once he got there, he found a rather scared looking man falling through the air. 

"HELP ME!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!" Hercule's voice was as slurred as a drunk. Gohan grinned evilly. 

"No problem sir. But hang on- I think I've got something in my eye." Gohan smirked as he pulled off his glove and started wiping his eye while he followed Mr. Satan down towards Earth. He could tell that they were pretty far away from Japan. As they came closer to impact, Gohan noticed that they were over a desert with some pretty big buildings. _Egypt. Perfect._ He thought. Hercule started shrieking as they neared the ground. But seconds before he hit, Gohan grabbed him by his hair. Satan looked down and saw that he was literally two centimeters from the ground. He started crying. A lot. Like a two year old. Like a lost two year old. Like a lost two year old stranded in the jungle. Like a lost two year old stranded in the jungle at Jurassic Park. Like Chichi. _Oh god. This guy's totally insane. I wonder if he can tell the difference between a grasshopper and a grassmonkey… probably not. What the hell is a grassmonkey anyways? _(A/N: I really don't know. It just sounds cool. Don't you agree?) "Well sir, they're ya go. I guess I should go now…" Gohan declared. 

"Noooooooooooo!!! You can't abandon me in the desert! Please! I'll do anything!!!" Hercule cried. Gohan grinned evilly.

"Anything?"

……………………………………………

~Back In Satan City~

Everyone looked up as Gohan flew down with a scared looking Mr. Satan. Gohan pushed him forwards and Hercule mumbled something. "LOUDER!!! WE CAN'T HEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRR YOU!!!" he called.

Satan swore under his breath and then  started to sing… 

"its time for the poooooooooo poo poo song! with zebras, and lions, and egg foo young! Chicken! and mushroom stomping Stuart! I know the muffin man,  
he doesn't believe in ghosts. is it because you're black? NO, it's because I'm a cocker spaniel! Maxwell's first off-road golfing experience. and dirty Mexican refrigerators. savage pop can meal time! narcoleptic Nancy and his French poodle, pretentious Priscilla!! honorable Oliver enjoys a good smack once in a while, just to keep his dignified Dorothy to a minimum. were you aware that no? and not? yot. and that's the end of the poo song! cheers."

**Blink blink. Sweatdrop**

I couldn't resist! My sister sent that to me and it crack's me up every time!!! Wow, Val actually coming in handy… weird. Just like me. Heh heh heh. Sorry it's taking me longer to post- I'm back at the hell-hole

Oh yeah- I want LOTS of reviews. Or else. Like, if you've read this REVIEW!!


	6. The Male Cheerleader Conference (eep! it...

A/N: EEEPPP!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry! I've been swamped with homework, exams and an evil boss who distributes bad hours. Well, no more work anymore- I got hurt! Ouchies. Now I'm typing one handed on my brand new computer! Accident pay or whatever- it really helped my Pentium 4 fund! I'm really really sorry though!

"Errr…." Mr. Satan said dumbly, ":It's a new attack I've been working on!" Hercule stuck a pose. The reporters cheered and began writing furiously. Videl rolled her eyes. Gohan sat for a minute and then began laughing his head off. The villains followed suite. Satan stopped posing. The reporters stopped writing. Videl stopped…erm… rolling her eyes (?). They all stared at Gohan, Cell, Freeza, King Kold and the Ginyu Force. 

"Oh…my…GAWD!!!! You're," peels of laughter, "Such a," snorts, "Dumb ass!" Gohan couldn't stop giggling. Actually, "giggle" isn't the right word- more like hyperventilating. The Ginyu Force members were high fiving  each other and King Kold, Freeza and Cell were doing their gay…er…lez titter. After all, only girls wear lipstick!

"What are you laughing at brat?" a voice boomed from the sky. Everyone looked up to see a very short, very angry looking Vegeta. He dropped down onto the ground and took in his surroundings. "Oh, I see," He grumbled, "It's the male cheerleader conference." 

"Huh?" Freeze asked.

"HOWCOME I WASN'T INVITED!?!? AREN'T I _GOOD_ ENOUGH FOR YOU?!? HONESTLY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND GOHAN! ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE WAS A CHEERLEADER." Vegeta sobbed, looking extremely upset. He was on the verge of tears. 

"Awww… Come 'ere Veggie! It'll be okay!" Gohan piped, holding out his arms. Vegeta burst into tears and ran into the teenager's arms. Gohan mumbled something about skipping therapy. The whole time, Videl was looking dumbfounded. 

"Uhh… Gohan? What's going on around here? Who's the Vegetable and how does Cell know your name?"

A/N: **dodges flying timbits** (ever seen "Talking to Americans"? Apparently we have a national igloo and Woolly Elephants!) I know- it's very short. Sorry. It's just, my arm's killing me! Please don't be angry!  


	7. ROAD TRIP!!!

"Quiet brat! I'm kind of stressed out right now!" Vegeta sobbed. Gohan sorta rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

"Vegeta, this isn't the male cheerleader conference. That's in Tokyo (?)," Gohan said, trying to cheer his 'friend' up. Vegeta stopped crying. He looked waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy up at Gohan with pleading eyes.

"Can we go there then? Please?".

"…"

The Ginyu Force members looked at each other and smiled. "ROAD TRIP!" they yelled in unison. King Kold, Freeza and Cell all nodded. They wanted in as well. 

"Ohhh! Can I come too?" Hercule yelled.

"WHAT?!?! I DON'T-" Gohan was stopped short by Vegeta's bambi eyes. "FINE!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone cherred. Gohan swore under his breath and took a capsule out of his pocket and turned it into a big road trip van (convenient, ne?). Everyone clamored inside. Videl was dragged along by her father and they all got into the van. Since Gohan was the only one who knew how to drive, he took the wheel. Reporters took several pictures of the gang and then they shut the doors. Gohan saw them as prison doors.

Videl snagged the passenger seat and sat down next to Gohan. But before she could say anything, Gohan got a very Vegeta-ish look and started up the van. Moments later they were hurtling down the free way at 200 km/hour. The only one who really minded was Videl. "GOHAN!!! HAVE YOU GONE MAD?!? ARE YOU _TRYING _TO KILL US?????!!!!!"

"Hey, good idea! I can't believe _I_ didn't think of that." He mumbled as they passed Orange Star High. 

"GOHAN!!!"

"WHAT??!" He was starting to get a bit irritated. 

"I have to go to the bathroom." Freeza whined.

Gohan's eye twitched. He stamped his foot on the brake and let Freeza out at the nearby gas station. A few minutes later, Freeza came out looking refreshed. "Anybody _else _want to go?" Everyone shook their heads. "Good". He took off again, leaving a patch of rubber on the cement.

A/N: HAH! Bet you weren't expecting _that!_ Look at me! I'm sooooooooooooo creative! Ha ha ha. **Sigh** oh well! REVIEW!!!!!!!


	8. Cookie Dough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh you shameless people you! So many wonderful reviews! I'd kiss ya'll but I've got a stuffy nose and not enough lip balm! Anywho, I was high today- sugar high that is! DRUGS ARE BAD!!! Yes so along with one of my best friends, I got really hyper. Much cookie dough! Much ideas! Involving cookie dough and my lunch hour! Me no speak English! I'M STILL HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Gohan, I have to go pee."

"I JUST STOPPED VIDEL! HOLD IT IN!" 

"Yeah but I can't stop thinking about water! The Hoover Dam, Mississippi. All those hundreds of galleons of water, gushing, splashing, flowing…"

"Now I gotta go." Cell mumbled.

"Me too!" yelled Hercule.  

Gohan's eye twitched. _Why me? _"Fine. There's a gas station up ahead. We'll stop there."

"Nooooooooooooo!!! Gohan! I don't want to be late for the conference!" Vegeta whined.

"I DON'T CARE!"

"oki."

Gohan was rather peeved. Freeza had taken 20 minutes. He stopped the car again and the three…ahem… needy people hopped out. Five minutes and 47 ki blasts later, Videl returned with her father and Cell, who was carrying a large brown sack. When Cell sat down, he opened the bag and pulled out several buckets of cookie dough (yum!). Everyone grabbed some before the two endless pits that were the Sayains could take it all. Vegeta and Gohan grabbed about 10 pounds each and began stuffing their faces. _Well, at least there's something good coming out of this! _Gohan thought happily. Cookie dough was his only weakness. That and his mother's infamous frying pan. 

When everyone was finished and feeling quite sick, yet hyper at the same time, Gohan pulled out of the gas station and left. He stopped in front of an old man trying to cross the street. Due to his Prozac-like state of mind, he started giggling. The others joined in. For absolutely no reason, they began rolling on the floor of the van, in fits of hyena-like laughter.  The old man noticed this and started grumbling about "kids these days." When he finally got to the other side of the street, Gohan revved the engine and screeched away, leaving a patch of burnt tire on the pavement. 

"Lets sing!" Vegeta cried and they all began singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall! 99 bottles of beer! Ya take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall!" 

Ten minutes later, the song grew old so the group found something new to laugh about- birds. Every time they saw one, they howled with laughter and began making horrible impressions of birds. It didn't get old. "HellO! I'm a BBBBIIIIrd!!!!!!!!" Jeice yelled and her stood up in the cramped van and began impersonating a buzzard. The delusional and odd compilation (heh. I've got such a great vocab!) of 'friends' laughed _again _and were starting to hyperventilate. 

Now, as you may know, when people are sugar high, they tend to have mood swings. Gohan experienced one of those and suddenly got extremely angry. He blew his horn endlessly and started speeding even more then usual. The result was a fifteen car pileup and several accidents following his wake. He fingered cops and hit small rodents, not caring about the consequences.  The others cheered him on.

Eurg. I don't like this chapter. I'm all discombobulated. Sorry. Oh well! To tell the truth, this is a small variation of what happened to me today! Except, I didn't kill people or cause accidents. Only one speeding ticket! Yahoo. Do you yahoo? I don't! ha ha ha! 


	9. Gotta hate the radio.

Just looked at my review section. 99. **Twitch** grrr…. ONE MORE!!!!!!

Also, I was threatened: update soon or a picky of Vegeta in a ballet dress. I'm updating now. Send the picture anyway!!!!

Large amounts of tests coming up. Ouchies. I don't like tests, however, I never study and I'm still on the honor roll. Go me. I'm so perfect. Ha. Right.

If ya have anything that I can use in the story, e-mail me! Top_call@hotmail.com

Either that or you could simply look at my profile and find the address there. Top call. Heh. Gotta love that phrase. 

BEWARE: I Have a Thesaurus and I'm not afraid to use it- today!

BEWARE: Lettuce.

On with the story.

Gohan was in an irascible  (ha! Irritable) state of mind. He'd been driving for several hours and no one was shutting up. He was on the inedible "burn" of his sugar high. Every one else was still hyper. In order to drown out the endless noise coming from his prating friends, he turned on the radio. 

"In other news, the steel giraffes are rebelling, due to Celin Dion's turned up leg and grandpa aged husband…"

Switch

"Oops! I farted again!"

Switch

"Our antique toboggans are 3% safer then rolling logs! Call today!"

Switch

Day 23 of the toll both strike. Further investigation proves that George W. Bush was right- Sponges don't make very good fire extinguishers. This was said approximately four months after the pretzel incident."

Switch

"Tonight, 900 people will die form piano related accidents. 899 of those could have been prevented…"

Switch

"Cardboard sales went up 0.001% last night, ridding Canada of its deficit"

Gohan turned the radio off. There was nothing on. "Damn it! Damn it all to hell."

Hercule's ears perked up. "Hey! Skinny kid! Watch your language around my daughter!  That's _HFIL_."

"Whatever." Gohan sighed. There was nothing to do except drive and he was getting bored. _I swear, _he thought, _I have ADD._

"Really Hercule! Don't be so critical of us! We're sorta people too! As James Boswell said, 'Hell is paved with good intentions'. Don't you agree father?"

Freeza asked.

"Yes son! Boswell had some great insight! We should really…"

 Gohan rolled his eyes again. The group was getting increasingly annoying. He looked over towards the ocean, which was literally only a few feet away. _Maybe I can drive the stupid van into the ocean and make it look like an accident. _

"Hey Captain Obvious!" Jeice yelled. He'd been calling Gohan that for hours, just because Gohan felt the need to correct the police officer. Gohan chose to ignore the rude nickname.

Jeice crawled up beside Gohan and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Captain Obvious, but I have to go pee." Gohan's temper got the best of him. Instead of responding with a smart remark or a simple "no", Gohan threw him out the window.

And that was the end of Jeice

Ah bien, j'ai fini! Est-ce que vous avez aimé?

Har har. I speak French.

Oh bueno, me hacen.  ¿usted tienen gusto de él?  

I also have a vague idea of how to speak Spanish.

Oh bom, eu sou feito.   você gostam d?  

I have a Portuguese friend

L'OH buon, sono fatto.  voi lo gradiscono?  

My best friend is Italian

Gutes OH-, werde ich getan.  Sie mögen es?  

Now I'm German

よいオハイオ州私はされる。あなた好むそれをか.  

I don't have jap text support. 

All that says is "oh good, I'm done. Did you like it?"

Really. Did you? One more review!!!!!!!!! Then I'm a 100er


	10. Bertha's bar and the stupid dialogue!

Sorry for the wait! I was in a catatonic state due to the extreme amount of reviews!!!!!! Yahoo!!! Actually, I've been caught up in schoolwork. Very busy semester.  Large amount of revision. Fortunately, I'm just sooooooooo smart that……….

Whatever.

Onwards

Tread Quickly. 

Contemplating doing the language thing. That's really fun. For my, anyway. 

**ahem**

"Gohan! I'm hungry!" The Sayain Prince whined to the millionth time. "I wanna eat!"

Gohan's eye twitch had moved through his entire face and his left shoulder. It wasn't a pretty sight. Mostly, the villains, Hercule, Videl and Vegeta had kept quiet even since Jeice had um… _retired_. But when a sayain's gotta eat, a sayain's gotta eat! Gohan huffed and pulled into the conveniently placed diner on the side of the highway. It was pretty old and really small but in a pinch (or a punch) it'd do. The group clamored out of the van and ran inside "Bertha's Bar". 

When they got inside, Gohan and Videl were asked for ID but the evil look coming from Gohan was good enough for them. The 10 err… companions sat down at a large table and became extremely red when Vegeta started howling for food. A young waitress ran up to the table. 

"Hello y'all. Welcome to Bertha's bar. What'd ya'll like ta drink?" The girl asked, with a drawl in her accent. 

Most of them ordered cokes but well, Gohan was under a lot of strain. "25 cups of BLACK coffee. No sugar. No milk. Just plain coffee."

The waitress blinked stupidly. "D'ya want water in yer coffee?"

"YES!!!"

"But you said you wanted plain coffee-"

"Just shut up and get it!!!" Gohan's PMS had been acting up. The scared waitress ran towards the kitchen, screaming for Joe to get some coffee, stat. 

Vegeta smirked. There was hope for the corruption of Kakarott Brat Number 1 yet. 

Freeza licked his lips. "You know Gohan," he said seductively, "That really turned my on."

Gohan paled. "I… err… have… to… go…pee." He jumped out of his seat and ran towards the men's room. Videl decided that she'd rather _not_ be left with the freaks so she followed as well. 

The raven-haired girl found her friend curled up in a ball in the corner of the guy's bathroom. She sat down beside Gohan and smiled. "Hey Gohan. How're ya doing?"

"Badly. I'm so sick of this. They're all driving me crazy!" He mumbled.

"Well, why don't we do something about that."

"Yeah, but first there's something I want to ask you."

"Okay- shoot!"

"wouldyouliketogotothemovieswithmeofsomething"

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Videl, deny thy father! Refuse thy name and go out for pizza with me!"

"Yes! I will. But before we do that, we must escape theses hooligans. Run away with me, my darling!"

Gohan nodded at Videl and they both jumped out the nearby bathroom window. They ran towards highway and Gohan pulled out a capsule to turn it into a car. They hopped in and started to drive away into the sunset…

A/N: Ha! Another twist! It's not over yet! Almost though, one or two chapters left. Don't worry- it's not going to be mushy. Urk. 

NEXT TIME: It's car chase! What don't they fly? Well, I don't know. I just like car chases! Gimmie lots of review or no update- wait! Gimmie lots of reviews or I'll write the entire chapter in Japanese! Like, the characters. Not actual letters. The characters that no one can read!  


	11. Last Chapter! Thinking of title... The F...

A/N: Hey all! I'm off to HAWAII (yay!) on Wednesday so I figured that I better finnish this fic FAST!!! I'm in a weird mood (surprise!) and I got heat stroke like 9 times due to 40 degree weather and spending too much time at the stampede. I hope you really enjoy this last bit and I'm gonna try and start a new fic when I get back (aug 1- mark your calendars!) heh heh heh. Anywho, I DELETED THE LAST CHAPTER BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT. I'VE TAKEN BITS FROM IT BUT I'M DELETING THE INDIANA JONES CRAP. 

Disclaimer: I own a 20 year old ford that is called 'ol crappy for a reason. I'm pretty sure that I'd be living in a gazillion dollar house with a bunch of cars with actual paint if I owned DBZ. Get the idea?

CHAPTER… ERM… ELEVEN? I LOST TRACK…

~~~

"Where are those two?" Freeza demanded.

"I think you scared them off, my wonderfully hot son." 

"Or perhaps he's afraid of queers." Vegeta growled. 

"Hey that's not very nice!" Freeza whined.

"Well I'm not a very nice person, thanks to you- UGLY!!!"

"Hmph! You wanna go? I can take you, pretty boy- I mean, geezer."

"Go where?" Hercule asked dumbly.

"I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm going to find Gohan! He's my only *sob* friend. You're not being nice at all. I'm telling Bulma when I get home!" Vegeta whined, standing up. 

"BULMA? OH GOD, BUHDA, KAMI- WHATEVER! PLEASE DON'T TELL HER! WE'LL BE GOOD- WE PROMISE!!!" Cell yelled. But his efforts and vocal cords went to waist, because our short little prince had left.

~~~

"So where are we going?" Videl asked timidly. Gohan was driving like a maniac.

"I dunno. How do you feel about kilts?" Gohan grumbled.

"Scotland?"

"It's really far away so it'll keep the freakers at a distance."

"Or they could just fly…"

"Believe me, Videl," Gohan said, as he looked at a very conveniently placed world road map," they're not that smart."

"Okay… Hey! Isn't that your friend, Vegeta behind us?" She asked, pointing to the man seen in the review mirror.

"Yeah… should I stop?" Videl nodded. Gohan slowed the car down and a grateful Vegeta climbed in moments later. "Hey Veggie."

"Hi."

"Why aren't you with the others?" Videl asked politely.

"They were being mean! Freeza called be a geezer AND pretty boy!"

"WHAT!?!?" Gohan screamed. "THEY CALLED YOU PRETTY BOY? WTF? I'M THE ONLY PRETTY BOY AROUND HERE!!! HOW DARE HE?"

"Yes Gohan, you're very pretty. Now calm down," I said, while typing like a madwoman…. Hee hee.

"I'll ignore that brutally un-called for self-insert," Vegeta mumbled. Meanwhile, back at the ranch (?) Videl was trying to calm her boyfriend.

"What the hell are you on, Gohan? You should seriously take some ridalin."

~Somewhere else- uh, Bertha's Bar~

"Uh, boss?" Racoom said quietly.

"Yup?" Freeza replied.

"Is it just me or have the saiyans and the kid's girlfriend run away?"

"You're right!" Burter hollered.

"You know, those stupidity-management classes are really paying off, Racoom!" Gurudo exclaimed happily.

Mr. Constipated Grasshopper stood up. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get em back. We've forgotten our mission anyway- TO KILL GOHAN! THE FREAKIS- never mind…

"But my little girl won't get hurt, will she?" Hercule asked.

"Yes she will, my pretty! And Freeza's little lap dog too!" King Kold butted in. Everyone rolled their eyes and left the restaurant, but not before making sure that the waitress having a nervous breakdown was all right. Gohan could be pretty scary sometimes. 

Outside, the gang of villains (and Hercule, the strongest man alive) pilled into the van, but soon realized that none of them knew how to drive. So Cell came up with a "brilliant" plan: "Well all push the car along-side of us!"

Why didn't they just fly? Well, no one really knows. But that's not the point. They all agreed with Grasshopper and each insane stood around the car and began pushing it off in the direction of the semi-sane.

~On Highway Whatsit With Gohan and others~

"Is it just me, or are the freakers coming our way?" Gohan asked, sensing their ki.

"Oh great. Just what we need. A band of Loonie Toons, " Videl mumbled. _I'm really starting to doubt my father. It takes more then cutting a few phone books in half to defeat an evil tyrant and those guys at Mr. Money's  tournament. _(A/N: Movie 9- Bojack)

"Well, technically, your dad has a brain because that's the only way his mouth could move so much." Gohan joked.

Vegeta raised an eyebrow while Videl looked confused. "Gohan, normally I would ask how you just heard that but now, I don't think I'll even bother."

"Good plan," Gohan said, his eye twitch acting up again. 

"Kako-mate and the woman are gonna have a field day when this hear about this one,"  Vegeta grumbled, smirking slightly, yet dreading the fact that they'd be over, disrupting HIS training so they could plan the damn wedding. And, knowing how much Dende _loved _him **cough** sarcasm **cough cough**, he'd probably end up being the best man, or something like that. With little Trunks and kako-brat numero two as ring brats. They'd blow up the church. And then Vegeta would be blamed. And then he'd sleep on the couch for years. With no gravity room. And then, Gohan would murder him for disrupting his wedding. And then he'd wish Vegeta back to life. And then he'd kill him again.  "I'm screwed." 

But his complaining and smirking and dreading were ignored. Gohan was too busy trying to figure out how they were going to get away _this _ time. He could see the van getting closer, which must be difficult, since cars usually go faster then vans. But we must remember, it's being pushed by Hercule (strongest man alive!) and his cronies. As they grew closer, Gohan sped up but he was no match for the rolling road trip-mobile. The van rammed the car, causing it to swerve.

But, since Gohan had been studying car chases like a good little boy (well, he'd been watching all the movies. Like the Fast and the Furious. Because Paul Walker's yummy. Well, that's my reason…) he stopped the car's swerving and tried to speed up, while grumbling about getting a nitro installed.  He managed to get away for a second and he looked back at the villains and sneered. _Hah! They're a bunch of losers. I'll beat them yet!_

Sadly, since Gohan was turned around, he failed to notice that he'd rear-ended a man from the "Hell's Angels" (a huge motorcycle gang, in case you didn't know). This, as we all know, is not a very good thing to do, since the Hell's Angels aren't very nice people, although anyone who wears a leather jacket is fine by me. The man on the bike growled and commanded his other Angels to "get that punk." 

Now, isn't this a familiar scene. 16, 17 and 18 endured a similar encounter, 7 years ago. The group started hacking away at Gohan's car, with chains, nightsticks, frying pans and rolling pins. 

~Meanwhile, in the road trip-mobile~

"Wow. These human aren't so bad after all! They're doing all the work for us!" Freeza said happily. 

"My poor baby… VIDEL!! WE'VE GOTTA SAVE HER!"

"No, we've got to let her get killed, as part of our pointless revenge on Gohan," Cell explained. "Don't fret… I'll    make a great replacement for her, if you know what I mean," he said suggestively. 

Hercule shuddered. Cell was hot, but not nearly as good looking as his butler. "Aww… Come on! Can't we just leave Vi outta this? She's so little. We could let her out here- we're only a kilometer away from Tokyo."

"I suppose we-" a large explosion interrupted King Kold. Apparently Gohan was fed up of the Angels. It didn't surprise him. They had the wrong name. It should have been _HFIL's _Angels. 

"I'm bored. I'm really sick of trying to kill people," Gurudo whined. 

"Gu's right. This is dull. Can''t we just all get along?" Racoom asked. But it didn't seem to matter. His counterparts were looking at something else. It seemed that they'd entered Tokyo and were now at….

~The Car~

"The Male Cheerleader Conference!" Vegeta exclaimed excitedly. "Golly Gosh, Gohan. We're actually here! Wow! I love you man!"

"It's bea-u-tiful!" Videl agreed.

The pair hopped out of the now halted car happily, skipping towards the entrance. "Well I'll be damned. There really is a MCC. Cool." Gohan said, before getting gout to join his friends.

~Road Trip-Mobile~

"Let's go!" Cell cried. 

"Yeah!"

"I'm right behind you, dad" Freeza said. 

"Come on!" Gurudo called.

"Yeah!" Burta yelled.

"Uh-huh!" Racoom screamed. 

Hercule sort of squeaked before running after them. The rest of the villains joined the good-guys and they skipped hand in hand, Braidy Bunch Style, into the Male Cheerleader Conference and lived happily every after. Well, at least until grassmonkey picks up a pen again.

THE END 

Well, this story's finally done. I managed to get through with only 3 flames, each more pointless then the rest (i.e.: a bunch of swear words all strung together in a run-on sentence). I have to say; I didn't expect to get so much positive feed back! I'm really glad to have "brightened" your day (?) and I hope I'll be able to write an equally good story in August. 

Speaking of my story, you guys have about 15 hours to give me ideas for my next story (I plan on writing on the million-hour plane ride). Please, if you've got an ORIGINAL idea, Gimmie. Don't forget- humor is not optional. It must be there.

Love, 

Your buddy Gerry's Giant Green Grassmonkey

P.S.: In case you were wondering about the name, I don't know either.


End file.
